he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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