We're facebook friends in real life
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
