I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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