I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I FOUND THE LEGS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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