My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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