you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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