Jerry, you need to find god
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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