Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
