She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
