You work out of a Hotel?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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