Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
