Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
