My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
