just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
