I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
