she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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