If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
