someone owes me an orgasm
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
