Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
