all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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