There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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