Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
