Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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