and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
