My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Welp...herpes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
