I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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