I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize