The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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