She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
