you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
