I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
