More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
