Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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