I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
