Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
