I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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