I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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