She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
