my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
