So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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