fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
