Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
