im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
