Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
