so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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