They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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