Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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