well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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