if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
