rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
