So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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