I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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