A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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