I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
