There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
