YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
