is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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