Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
