I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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