So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
