Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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