i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
