i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize