The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
worst night to have a conscience
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
