I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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