Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
