What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
