My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
