i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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