My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
