Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
