The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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