Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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