hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
