did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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