Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize