i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
