the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
