A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
