I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
