She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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