watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
