WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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