Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
