just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
