Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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