Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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