When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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