I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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