i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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