I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
