My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
