She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
