You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize