Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
