ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
