he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
