Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
